Worth Fighting for

Relationships aren’t easy.

To live and share everything with another person can test your every nerve.

Heck at times I feel like I can’t even live with myself.

Relationships can push your boundaries and may make you question WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

But how do you know if its worth fighting for, or when to walk away?

When do you know enough is enough,  and your not giving up to early?

You can always keep questioning what if, but is that really going to get you anywhere.

When times get hard just back away and take a breather to analyze what the fuck is going on but make sure to return to the situation if and when safe.

Everyday is not going to be wonderful.. There are going to be days where you just want to give up and throw in the towel.. But should you really? Throwing in the towel is not the best solution, are you really going to do that every time a difficult situation comes up? If you do keep giving up where are you going to get in life? Anywhere?

It’s been almost two years since I got married and there are days I ask myself what the hell am I doing and if I’m doing the right thing. It’s not that I do not love him or care about him, but I know deep down I have unsolved issues from my past that I never fixed and just ignored and walked away. And at times those problems, insecurities, and issues come back up and get in the way of me living the best life I can for myself and family.

I feel horrible because I am dragging some extra baggage and problems around simply because I just ignored them before and never tried solving or coming to a conclusion  before.

I am realizing this as I just started seeing my therapist again recently. I have these times where I feel like I am doing great and well fuck why waste my money and time to go talk to a stranger, when in reality it’s the best thing I can do for myself. <– I hate to admit it but I definitely need to continue to go no matter how I feel. I am simply not as strong as i want to be and cannot depend on myself to make the right decisions and to push myself to analyze and think before I speak and take action. I need assistance and guidance to be a better person, and well fuck I am finally okay to admit it now that I cannot do this alone.

I AM GLAD I GOT MY HUSBAND BY MY SIDE AS WELL AS MY DAUGHTER, FATHER, and NONO.

I  may not be pleasant at times and push them away or not answer them but they continue to show me unconditional love that I am greatly appreciated for that.

It’s hard to find someone to trust and turn to at times, and well frankly there are times I feel like I can’t turn to anyone but i know when i have the strength too they will be there.

 

 

Second Place?

Is it bad to want to be put first?

Is it considered selfish or would you consider it to be an act of self love for wanting more?

Should you care you came second? At least you have a place, right?

But why would you want to be compared and put next?

Why must people compare you to another?

Why can’t we just be ourselves?

Graduation

I love this time of the year! I love going on social media and seeing all the happy post about people accomplishing something they thought would never happen.

Watching people succeed and move onto another part of their life after a long term commitment of studies. Completing this lifetime milestone is such a precious moment.

I wish everyone was blessed and able to continue schooling and had the support of their family and community to push them to finish their education paths. Unfortunately some do not make it.  I do however give them credit for attempting because it is not easy to be the only one motivating yourself. You will always come across someone does not want to see you succeed and become “better” then them. Or you may even get the whole “you are being selfish and only focusing on yourself.” Just ignore them and keeping moving forward and working hard.

I wish everyone would get the friendly reminder that there is no time limit on when and how fast you should finish school. Yes it would be great to finish college in 4years but sometimes it takes longer, due to maybe finances and/or health concerns.

One thing I want my kids to know is you can never learn to much and you should never stop learning.

If I can afford for all my kids and step kids to go to school for their lifetime I would pay for that in a heart beat. There is nothing better then good health, education and the love and support from your family and friends.

I wish I can tell my husband’s son that I am extremely proud of him for finishing high school and that I wish him the best in the next chapter of his life.

I may not see his daughter and son or have a relationship with them, but I think about them daily! I wish and hope nothing but the best for them.

When I was in high school I didn’t have the goal or mind set to graduate and continue to college. I always remember I wanted to life a care free life and just roam around and work here and there. I had no goal in life until I found out I was pregnant. At that moment, I knew I had to either change my life and or give up my child. And giving up my child was not going to be an option. I busted my ass and earned the rest of my high school credits so I can get my actual diploma.

Once I got my diploma I felt like my goal was complete and that’s all I had to do. But that soon changed and I realized I needed more for me and my daughter. I seen how much my father struggled to make ends meet after fighting colon cancer and being out of work. That’s when I knew I had to do more for myself and one day I  may not be as lucky to  have my dad around for the extra help.  I went to school got all my certificates and landed a career job in a dental office but I still feel like its not enough.

I have continued with my education and started at a community school and hope to continue going from here on forward. When I am in school I have the utmost fulfilling feeling.

I hated school before but now I feel like I need it and I yearn for the knowledge. I hope that feeling of needing education will continue to our children and they do not end their education early.

I do not want them to struggle to make ends meet in the future, I want them to be rich with knowledge and a big heart of gold.

Knowledge can take you above and beyond. People can steal your money and possessions but they cannot take the knowledge you learned over the years.

W.A. & S.A. , You will always be apart of my thoughts, prayers, and life. I will always have unconditional love for you. Shine bright and go further then anyone you know! Do not let anyone get in your way or stop you from your education. You are special and no one can ever replace you!

 

Why hello there!

Well we are halfway through the pregnancy! Hoping the last half of the pregnancy goes well and we stay healthy. We had the ultrasound yesterday, baby should be here around September 17! Definitly happy and can’t wait to meet our baby!

I can definitely say I have fallen in love all over again!

This baby is super active and always decides to wake up and move around right after I eat. We can’t wait to meet you baby!

LOST in a FOREST

Ever felt lost in your thoughts? Like no one understands, or no one gets you. Maybe you’ve been told your to far out there and there is no hope for you.

How do you come back? How do you become normal? How do you stop all those problems.

Have you ever just stopped and thought maybe there is no problem with you, or the way you are?

Why are people so obsessed about others and what they think and meeting others expectations?

I wish there was a way to stop the negativity and those racing thoughts of I am not good enough or I should of could of stinking thinking. Those thoughts of could have should have don’t seem to get us anywhere but dwelling on the past.

How long should one stay dwelling on the past, if at all?

I just wish that people are more aware of mental illness and take it more seriously. It is REAL and should be addressed.

People that suffer from any type of mental illness may feel like they are trapped, lost in a forest, stuck in a hole and there is no escape.

I wish more people can lend a hand to not just people they know but for a complete stranger. Even if you cannot physically or financially help someone, just a nice gesture like a smile or a wave can give some a little glimpse of light.

You don’t have to be lost and alone in a dark forest of negative thoughts. Reach out for help, have faith and keep trying.

Via: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/forest/

HELLO AGAIN!

Its been a long time since I been on here to write about my adventures in life.

I’ve been thinking about it and telling myself I want to post about this and that but never found the chance to make it!

So an update I am half way through my pregnancy and gained 3lbs.

Morning sickness have finally went away, I still get queasy occasionally but nothing to complain about.

Although I haven’t gained much I feel my stomach has grown..

I feel the baby move so much especially after I eat! I definitely think baby can hear because we went to Monster jam and the baby was moving like crazy every time a truck started. It’s such an amazing feeling and cant wait for my daughter to feel her sibling by touching my belly.

I finally get to have my ultrasound to check on baby and gender on 5/15 which I am super excited.

One not so good thing is that I might have gestational diabetes. I am not thrilled by this and definitely need to make some changes in my life.

My daughter is now very fond of the idea of having another sibling and actually asks how much long and that she wants the baby out! Huge difference since when I first told her she was heartbroken.

We still have not announced it to many people but there are a few people that read my post and guessed or saw Word Press and knows, or even seen me and person and have enough courage to ask if I was expecting. haha. I give those people credit because that’s a tough question to ask women especially if they are over weight already.

Besides the pregnancy our family grew +1! We have officially adopted a doggy on MONDAY! Her name is Tiffany and she is a 2 year old Pit-bull! She is so sweet, loving and friendly despite all she went through. I am just glad we are able to give her a happy loving home.