Emotional Rollercoaster

So the pregnancy has my emotions all over. I mean they already were in the first place but now, I am so sensitive. I get teary eyed and cry for almost everything. I haven’t really had the energy to do much and I have been loosing interest in just about everything, especially if it doesn’t have to deal with my daughter or this blog.. WORDPRESS is my new addiction, I don’t find any pleasure scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Maybe I am just growing up, and realize its all pointless mumble jumbo..

I am definitely trying to keep an eye out to make sure my symptoms are not worsening as I have decided to stop taking medication prescribed by my Physiatrist during this pregnancy.

I am hoping it was the right decision. It was a hard decision but I feel like it was the right one for me. I am trying to do stuff to calm myself, self soothing techniques and simply telling myself these emotions will all pass. It does help as I have a good support team, husband and daughter. Still skeptical on having my 9 year old daughter as part of someone I turn too, but I have notice it has made us more close.  I do not over bear her with my problems and don’t talk to hear about what’s going on as she is still young and I don’t want my problems to be hers. I just simply tell her I am a little sad or stressed. Hoping she will catch on about labeling feelings and being okay talking about them and mentioning how she feels.

I think labeling feelings is something that parents should do more often with their children. I am hoping to keep this up with both kids and in my life…

As I mention this it brings me back to one of my older post about starting a gratitude list… Well I haven’t started writing it down but I have been making time to think to myself daily about what happened and what I am thankful.. Like I said before baby steps…

I have linked a few of my social media accounts to WORDPRESS, not yet FACEBOOK as I know a lot of people I talk to still visit FACEBOOK frequently. And until I finally get the courage to inform my parents about my pregnancy I will not link the accounts.. Haha. Still trying to be a little sneaky..

So little update had my last ultrasound was on Tuesday, and I was able to hear the baby’s heart beat and due date is moved to September 20, 2018! Boy oh Boy, was that prenatal visit interesting as my 9 year old daughter had to attend as I had no babysitter and as well as my husband. ( I will write more about that next time) Until then, I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

The dreaded LECTURE

I’ve been dying to post again, but I feel like I’m so tied up with time. I actually really enjoy blogging and posting about nonsense.  Well I am finally here for a few quick minutes before I go back to break. I wasn’t sure what to post but knew I wanted to post about pregnancy.

So yesterday I had my 1st prenatal visit and it was amazing! I got to hear my little ones heart beat for the first time as well as got to see a better ultrasound!

Right after the appointment my husband came to me with the question “So when are we telling everyone!” I love that he is so excited and want to tell everyone but I am just not ready and not sure when I will be ready. I kind of don’t even want to post it for everyone on social media. I know I eventually will but just not yet, besides my blogs..

So if any of my social media friends are reading my blog post please respect my wishes and do not tell everyone in the world.. Me, my husband and daughter will tell the people we choose on a one by one basis..

I think the main reason why I am not ready to tell people is because I am not ready to hear any type of LECTURE from anyone.

Why can’t people just be happy and not have to say anything negative. I’m not sure anyone will say anything negative to me but I just don’t want to hear it.

My biggest fear is when my husband has to tell his kids, just because they are already so distant with him. I honestly don’t want this pregnancy to make there be a bigger gap and issue between them.

So just my peace of mind/thought please keep all your LECTURES to yourself especially if they are not nice or appropriate. Don’t be rude and if you DO NOT have nothing nice to say don’t say nothing at all, THANKS in advance! 🙂

This world is already rude and cruel we don’t need anymore negativity!

via Daily Prompt: Lecture

Grasping Reality

Its been about 3 weeks since I found out the big news and it still doesn’t feel real. I feel like its all made up. I’m wondering when its finally going to set in that I’m expecting and will soon have 2 children! I don’t remember how long it took for me to come to terms that I am pregnant during my 1st pregnancy. I think it will finally hit me when my belly starts showing and is getting big and hard.  I am still very nervous and apprehensive on telling people, I still haven’t even told the news to the soon to be grandparents. I talk to my husband daily about when we are going to tell them at times we are close to spilling the beans but then I chicken out. I mean its not such a big deal but then it is! It is another human we are going to be raising! I am so excited and so nervous. I think I am more nervous on my first born still getting the attention and support she needs from me.

So when I told my daughter that I was expecting she broke down to tears and her world came crushing down on her. I felt like the worst mommy ever seeing her cry. I tried hugging and holding her but she just pushed me away. I kept trying to talk to her and tell her that I will still love her and I am always going to be her mommy but she didn’t want to hear any of it.  I didn’t know what to do.

I continued to talk to her even though she was crying hysterically and didn’t want to listen, but then I stopped because she said words that just broke my heart.

To give you readers a quick background me and my daughters father split up when she was 2 years old ( 7years ago). We went our separate ways he found a new partner had another child ( 1year old) and recently split with her about 4 months ago. I got married about a year and half ago and now expecting a child with my husband.  So my daughter has one half sibling already from her biological father and his ex partner. She had an ok relationship with her dad and his partner before their newborn came along, and then towards end of their pregnancy and delivery it fell apart. My daughter distanced herself and wanted to go over there less.

So back to my story…

When I was talking to my daughter about the pregnancy she was crying hysterically and started to distance herself from me. She was telling to me to let her go and just drop her off somewhere. I told her “no I cannot just drop you off somewhere, you are my daughter my responsibility I love you and need you” I was trying to reassure her I was still there for her but she came at me with “you don’t love me anymore that’s why you guys are having another baby”. My heart started sinking, and it reminded me of when I told her I was getting married.

Another little story: So when I told her I was getting married she was so upset and hurt because she thought she was going to loose me. At that time when I talked to her about the marriage I told her to always talk to me and tell me if she feels like I am not spending enough time with her or if she just wants it to just be me and her. I also told her that she was not getting a new dad, and her father will always be her father. She told me that she didn’t want anymore parents because she already got a new mommy and she didn’t want one. I had to re-assure her that she didn’t get a new mommy just because her father was dating another girl and just because I was getting married DID NOT mean she would get a new dad. I told her she did not and we will not force her to call my husband her dad or step-dad she can call him what ever name she chose. And that made her feel so much better.  I had to reinforce her that she will always have only one real dad and one real mom, and no one will ever replace that.

I always try to be as open as possible with my daughter and try to talk to her and hear her thoughts and feelings, so that’s exactly what I decided to do when we were sitting in the car discussing the pregnancy. I had to just shut up and listen to her concerns. So after she said I wouldn’t love her anymore I just shut up and asked her to explain to me why she thought that. It all came down to her previous experience with her father and his second child.

This just still breaks my heart and brings me to tears but she said “you are just going to forget me and push me into the corner and be forgotten, and I will just have to raise myself” At that point I started crying my eyes out and told her “that will never happen, I will never push you in the corner and forget about you! You are my baby my first baby, you will always be my baby, we spent 9years together, just you and me, and I will never be able to replace you.”

There was many more words said to one another after that and endless hugs and kisses and reassurance. But those words she said just stuck to me and made me feel awful that she had to experience that. I never wanted my daughter to feel unwanted and I always wanted to protect her. I felt and still do feel horrible that she had the worst experience with her first sibling.

To this day I don’t want to push the issue and try not to talk about the pregnancy in front of her because I know she is still processing the news. But she has opened up a lot more and has been asking me questions about the baby. Of course I answer her questions and talk to her about it when she wants too, but I am not pushing her to talk about the baby.

She currently knows that we have not told much people because we still want to make sure the baby is ok. So she talks privately about it, but at times she asks if certain people know and I tell her no. I always give her the option though if she wants to tell them now she can. I think giving her the choice of letting people know is a big thing for her, and is helping her accept the pregnancy.  Eventually after next Tuesday, a lot more people will know and we will be more open on the news.

Well any who we shall see where this journey goes. And fingers crossed this baby is still healthy and growing.

Until next blog see you..

 

 

Surprise!

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So I was debating on posting  this or not posting it..

Well I came to the conclusion I am just going to post it..

I haven’t told that many people, nor my family yet either. The reason for waiting is that I wanted to be sure everything is going the way it should.

Since I am still building up my readers, I figure what the heck I will post it! I don’t have that many readers so not that many more people will know. 😀

So after being sick with the flu and down for a while, things with body still weren’t right. I came to the conclusion I should take a pregnancy test before taking any other type of medication and it came back positive- I’M PREGNANT!

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I was ecstatic to see the results! Then all the emotions started to overwhelm me and my anxiety kicked in.

I am worried to tell my parents because I don’t want them to stress and worry about anything although I know they will eventually be happy once the baby does come and they get to hold him/ her.

But in a way I am dramatized. I once was pregnant at a young age and was not married, nor did we live with together at the time. It was definitely a hard time and at that same time my father was diagnosed with colon cancer.  My father is my best friend I was devastated and scared I was going to loose him at the time I needed him the most. Thank god I did not loose him and he is still here with me to this day 8years in free of cancer!

That pregnancy was such a roller coaster of emotions! From seeing my dad at one of his weakest points to trying to help him to my best ability to trying to finish school.

This pregnancy is different though.. I am now almost 30, I’m married to an amazing man, and live happily with my family. But I just have this feeling, I feel like I am still doing something wrong. Both me and my husband work very hard and have a stable job, we have a roof over our head.  I guess its just an image I hold myself accountable too, I expect more of myself, I am to hard on myself..

Any who, I figure that I will start from know on writing about how my pregnancy is going and how my mental health is going. I figure this will be a good log, and way to track the different steps I go threw.

So I will now end this post but the next post I will do will be about my daughters reaction when I told her about the pregnancy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dental work suggested, – CAVITYS

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As I sit here at work, calling patients to come in to get their teeth checked and dental treatment complete I wonder to myself why patients don’t feel the need to come in.

Going to the dentist is just as important as seeing your regular physician.

And then I come across the daily prompt CAVITYS. I just wish there is a way to open peoples eyes and have them really listen to the dangers of when you post-pone your dental check ups and treatment.

It may sound silly that a tooth pain and one small cavity can turn into something so big and even send you to the hospital, but it can.

I had a patient in the past that I would call every month to come in for her cavity treatment and she never had time, was to busy or she would schedule and not show. She later told me that the cavity was not bothering her and paining her and she didn’t feel the need to come in. I told her we are trying to prevent her from being in pain and want to fix the problem now before it gets worse. She still never showed.  A few months later I came into work to check the missed calls and voice messages, 5 missed calls from her number and a message from her 70year mother she was in the hospital. My heart sunk to my stomach, I didn’t know what to expect when I called back.  It turns out the infection from her tooth spread throughout her body and she had to spend a few days in the hospital hooked to IVs and was put on antibiotics. After she was discharged from the hospital she came straight to our clinic. She was still in a lot of pain and her face was swollen. The doctor at the hospital asked why she never went to the dentist and told her she was luckily to still be alive and to thank her mother.

I tell a few patients this story but not all, which I’m starting to think I should tell all.  Yes, of course this may not happen to all people if they ignore their cavity fillings. Some get lucky and just have a severe tooth ache and can just go for a root canal. But it may not always be like that. Everyone is different and some are lucky and some are not so lucky. But are you really willing to take that chance to with your health/life?

I hope everyone will start going to their dental visit more frequent and DO NOT just wait for the pain to occur. Usually when the pain is occurs you have got a bigger problem on your hands. Don’t ignore you mouth and body.

Remember it all starts with your mouth. When you eat and drink to get your nutrients it goes through your mouth first then to the rest of your body. What is in your mouth gets past to the rest of your body!

Take care of yourself, you deserve it! You deserve to life a healthy happy life. You are needed in this world! You are what can make a difference!

This is just a few quick thoughts I have while I am in between calls..

BTW, the treatment that is recommend is not just so the Dentist can make money, it is to help you stay healthy! Ok, yes there may be some crooked dentist out there in the world, BUT NOT ALL of them are out there for the money. And if some of the treatment seems unnecessary to you, go get a second opinion! Just please do not put it off! It may just cost you your life, or worse even more money that you are worried about spending in the first place.

 

via Daily Prompt: Cavitys

Making Writing Prompts Personal

I am thinking on participating in these prompts, sometimes I don’t know what to write, but I know I want to write. Hmm.

The Daily Post

Every blogger faces it, sooner or later: you feel an itch to publish. You haven’t updated your site in a while. You put on your lucky writing socks, fire up WordPress, flex your fingers, and…

… sit there, staring blankly at the screen. You’re blocked!

(What? Like I’m the only one who has lucky writing socks.)

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When you’re blocked, writing prompts are blogsavers. Many bloggers shy away from them because they don’t like the idea of  responding to a prompt — what if it doesn’t inspire you? What if the topic doesn’t fit your blog? But before turning off the computer and putting your writing socks back in the drawer, try these six tips for making any writing…

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